Oh Baby!

Well it's been quite some time since I've regularly posted, but I just haven't felt so motivated to do so these past few months. And I do keep up with my Instagram page (@kata_razzi) almost daily so most people do know what's going on in my life anyway. On July 26th my fiance and I found out that we're expecting! So that's some major news to share, but its also the reason I feel compelled to write a new blog post. A part of me wants to document my pregnancy journey so that one day down the line I can look back at my experience and remember what this journey was like.
When I first found out I was in complete shock, because we hadn't planned for this surprise just yet! We were hoping to try a little later in the year, but God has other plans for us instead apparently! I was so shocked that I took 4 pregnancy tests! And once the shock wore off I was so excited to share the news with our families. It was even more special for me because the day I got to tell my parents. and my siblings it was also my late Nana's birthday. I took it as a sign that she was with me along with my grandfather, and that they'd be with me throughout this whole journey to guide me on the right path. I miss them so much, and every time I feel as though I'm at a crossroad in my life, I do feel like they are constantly with me. So it felt really special to me that I was able to gift my family the news of our pregnancy on her birthday.

Soon after the excitement wore off, panic had set in for me. There are so many things we have to plan and figure out now, that it overwhelmed me. I also had to deal with the emotions that my body is going to change during these next few months and that's been something that has been really hard to this day to accept. After working so hard all these years to keep weight off, it's been really hard to face the reality that I will be gaining weight again. Of course I know that the reasons for the gaining are worth it because I'm lucky to be able to give life to our baby, but at the same time I can't help but feel so depressed and almost like a failure because I feel like after the baby is here I'll have to start from square one all over again. Right now without a child I have so much freedom to get all my workouts in and train for whatever race I want to do, but I know that once the baby is here, all my free time is gone too. So it will be so different to figure out how to lose the weight again and be successful with a newborn. And I know I'm not the first mom to have to deal with this either but it's just been hard to accept. 

Right now I'm just about 17 weeks pregnant, and so far have only gained 7.5lbs , which isn't terrible, but I have been watching my weight like a hawk. My goal is to gain 20lbs total give or take. So I have still been working out and I am training for a marathon. The training hasn't been easy at all, its actually been harder because during my first trimester, I just felt exhausted every single day. I was lucky enough not to deal with any morning sickness, but the beginning of my marathon training took place at the end of the summer, which this year for NYC was just a hot sweaty humid mess! So getting out the door was hard, but I kept up with my spin classes on a weekly basis. Just the last two weeks or so I've felt like my energy is finally back up, so my training has improved, but still not easy. I get out of breath so easily now, so whatever workout I'm doing feels a little more strenuous than it used to.
My running pace has slowed down significantly too because I lose my breath and I feel exhausted quicker than I used to feel. I've run 6 half marathons since finding out I was expecting, and almost at every one of them I've broke down in tears during the race. Because I feel like a failure, because I feel like I should be stronger and able to handle the mileage better, and because I can't accept that I am now a back of the pack runner. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being at the back of the pack, I respect all the runners that are on their feet longer than anyone else! But for me I'm used to finishing with my usual race times. but thankfully my sister has been at every race with me to snap me out of my feelings of doubt. She tells me your pregnant and its okay to be slower, and I should be proud that I'm even pushing myself this hard when some don't even try to.

So tomorrow I will take on a 20 mile run, and when I finish I know I will be ready for the Philly marathon on November 20th, And don't get me wrong, I get nervous for every run now, because I just don't know how my body will do, but I know I'm gonna push myself as hard as I can to finish. And I'm not running for myself anymore either, I have to think about the baby growing inside of me, and make sure I do whats right for the baby. And I know I don't have to run this marathon, but I'm not a quitter. And when my baby is here and years from now hears the story of my pregnancy I just want my child to be proud of their Mom. I just want my kid to know that I didn't give up when it got hard, that I didn't make excuses and settle for less, and that whatever obstacle comes at you in life, you face it, stare at it straight in the eye, and do what it takes to overcome it and succeed.
Marathons are life changing and this one will be no different! It will also be my last for quite awhile, because after it's over I want to focus on being in shape to give birth, and to get ready to bounce back after the baby is born. I will retire my running sneakers from long distances for awhile, and focus on running races that are shorter distances like 10ks or less. I also love spin classes, so it's my goal to get a spin bike at home before the baby is born too, so I'll have no excuses at home to not workout. And I want to get stronger with other workouts that I don't normally get to do because I've been running for so long. I want to be a healthy, strong, and happy Mom, that's it really. I want to be a role model for my family, and I want them to learn and guide them toward a happy healthy life too. So I'll just keep trying my best and putting my best foot forward to get through whatever else life brings our way! Stay tuned!

RnR DC Half Marathon 2016

What can I say it was such a fun half!! It was my 15th and my sisters 1st half marathon, and  we had a blast! Check out the video below! 

https://youtu.be/6If3YSiisjQ

NYC Marathon 2015

Where do I begin?! So many emotions still fill my head with the memories made on Sunday! I woke up early that morning around 430 am, there was really no way I could sleep any longer, I kept dreaming I'd be late for the ferries to Staten Island! But I also woke up feeling so emotional, I knew what was lying ahead for me that day and it just brought me to tears everytime I thought of finishing the race. My fiancé was surprised I was crying because last year I was nervous and excited because I didn't know what to expect but I didn't cry! This year I knew what I was getting myself into and it frightened me, and I think it was because I knew where I might struggle, but I also felt emotional because this race would be the end of a long two years of running long distances! 

So when I left my apartment that morning my only goal was to enjoy the experience, and to forget finish times , but to look forward to the journey to the finish line. As I rode the train to the ferry, my brain was running wild, would I see my family, would my injuries flare up and make the race harder than it already was, and would I be able to stick by my friends side no matter what and would they do the same for me? It was decided at our 20 miler that Christina and I would try to run the race together to help pace each other to the end, it was the best decision because I love running with her, we always have an awesome time together! 

So when I arrived at Staten Island to the start villages, once I seen some of my crew I felt less nervous about the roads ahead of us! We met up with my friend and teammate Melissa, she wanted to stick with us also, it was her first marathon and she wanted the support to help get her to the end. I love her personality so I knew the three of us were in for a great day! 

We had a short wait and soon were headed to our corrals! Thankfully the weather has been unseasonably warm, so the weather on race day was expected to be 64 degrees, mostly cloudy, with 60% humidity, ideal running conditions! So the weather on the bridge was no issue this year, the wind was at bay, and most runners were in short sleeves or tanks, so we were ready for this! 

All of a sudden the cannons went off and it was time to start this journey! The bridge was crowded so it took lots of weaving through the crowd to keep our pace up, but we were going pretty slow with the congestion anyway. I had to pay attention to where my friends were because wave of runners felt massive and every so often when I was taking a picture or looking elsewhere I'd lose someone ahead of the pack! I love running on the Verazzano bridge, the marathon is the only day of the year pedestrians can cross it on foot, so it's really a privilege to be up there and take in the beauty of NYC from afar. 

Three miles in and we were in Brooklyn! Brooklyn is where the party really gets going, the crowds are really amped up and excited to see runners pass by. There was music all over the place, so many bands played, and DJs were blaring music at times when church was just letting out! It was amazing, Brooklyn gives you that initial rush of excitement, and we were running at an awesome pace, it was exciting and I was looking forward to each new part of the race we were heading in! Suddenly around 7 miles in, Christina started to have some pretty awful stomach issues, and we took a longer than expected potty break, but it wasn't a big deal to Melissa and I, we agreed to stick together as a trio til the end! The next few miles before Queens were a little shaky, Christina was being cautious, and at times she told us to leave her, but of course that wasn't going to happen we were a team! I knew the latter part of the race was when I was going to need her and Melissa most, so there was no way we were giving up on each other! 

I knew our spirits would feel lifted when we were finally in Queens, because Melissa had her husband and friends waiting to cheer her on and my family was also going to be there for me! We ran through Queens, found Melissa's awesome family, and right after my family was there! When I spotted them I had to do my best not to lose it, just having them there means the world to me, and hearing them cheer, and seeing the excitement on their faces means the world to me! My youngest brother had on his old Halloween costume, which cracked me up when I spotted him, he was wearing a mouse head to resemble Deadmau5, and he had a bowl of snickers in his hands, and my sister was holding a sign telling runners to "whip and nae nae" for a snickers! It was so cute, I loved it! I'm also wondering how many selfies are floating of him out there, he said lots of people stopped to take their picture with him! 

Soon after we were on our third bridge! We were on the Queensboro bridge heading into Manhattan, where the fun continues! The bridge really is so silent after 14 miles of non stop loud noise, it's just the runners, and at that point I guess most of us are wondering how the next half will go, how crazy we were to attempt this at all, or if whatever aches and pains we were feeling would get us to the end. It's a moment of reflection before the chaos continues! But it's also really beautiful to be up there, and I always reflect on 9-11 because the first time I ever walked that bridge was on 9-11 and now years later I'm thankful for where I am and that the city I love most is still thriving after tragedy. I felt privileged to be on the bridge, living my life to the fullest running a marathon! 

We also bumped into Aki and Tibby on the bridge, our fellow NYIR teammates, they were walking the marathon! Tibby was injured earlier this year and hasn't been able to run any races that she signed up for, but she doesn't back down from a challenge and decided she would walk the whole marathon, and Aki who was also injured walked by her side the whole time as well! 

Once we got into Manhattan I hit my wall. It was the wall for me because those miles up to the Bronx felt never ending. There's also the uphill along 1st avenue that just looks painful from a distance. I was running with my heart and grit because I didn't feel my legs and every time I checked how far we had gone I felt like we were still so far behind! I was feeling out of it, the exhaustion was hitting me hard, I was throwing gummy bears in my mouth every few blocks, I was actually feeling desperate for a banana, I was being careful not to take in too much sodium at that point because I had taken a salt packet at mile 16 to prevent cramping later on. There was a blister forming on my pinky toe at the same time and I was praying that the pain would stay at bay so I could finish, that blister plagued me all summer, and I cut runs short because how bad it felt at times! I was upset also since I was wearing blister preventing socks too! I was texting my family already apologizing that their wait for me would be longer than expected, but they were great, they told me I was doing good and that they'd be there waiting however long it took! Suddenly we were blocks away from the bridge into the Bronx, and an angel in the form of my fellow teammate and NYPD officer Tee Jay was patrolling the race but cheering us on, and she had a banana! Life saver! My mouth and tummy were satisfied at the sweetness! 

The Bronx is only a mile long, but it was painful, my blister was the only thing I could feel, and I wanted my feet to go faster but it felt like it was taking forever! The Bronx was barren of spectators too, there weren't many, the music helped us push through the borough, but as soon as I was there I was ready to say goodbye! I wanted to be back in Manhattan and through the last few miles! 

We made it over the last bridge and the sounds of Harlem were with us! I felt excited to be in the city, my team was waiting for us on 125th street, and I knew seeing them would make us feel alive again! And we were so excited to find them dancing to "whip & nae nae" on the course, that the three of us stopped to take a dance break! It was short but it was what we needed to push past Harlem and head to Central Park! After we saw the team, I crashed a little over the excitement, I suddenly was over come with thirst and I felt like I was getting dizzy, and like any second I was going to have to stop. As soon as I said I need water we found two spectators on the course with pretzels and Coca Cola! I am not a soda drinker at all, but these kind women assured us that they were runners themselves and that we should try it for a small boost, and at that point I was so desperate I gladly took a cup from them! In those few seconds Coca Cola was the best thing I've ever tasted in my life! It was a change from everything else I was ingesting and the sugar gave me some new energy, which I needed to get over the hill on 5th ave just before Central Park! I wish I knew who they were to thank them again! 

Mile 23 my head was blurry, my feet were going, I was feeling pain in my butt from my siatica and my blister, and the three of us were racing against the sun! It was just starting to go down and we didn't want to run much in the dark, so we pushed as hard as we could when we could! Once we were in the park, I started focusing on seeing my family at mile 25, and just finishing strong! Those last two miles felt so long, and we gave our all to get to the finish, I was just telling myself to stay strong because we were so close to the end! And suddenly as we were exiting the park, my left hamstring gave in! It got so tight and painful, I had no choice but to start walking, but when I did that it felt even worse, I gave myself 30 seconds and told the girls to keep running! I ran and it was still there but I had to slow down so it didn't feel as bad, but inside I was praying I could run through to the end! I didn't care how long I was running, I just prayed to God that I could finish running, walking wasn't an option for me! I got over it quickly because then the blister on my foot felt like it exploded in my sock and that pain took over everything! My foot was hitting the pavement and sending waves of shock through my toe and up my body, in my head I was screaming bloody murder! But in reality I kept it together, and focused on finding my family just before Colombus Circle, I just kept running and praying for the strength to keep on. I saw my family, got super excited hearing them cheer us on, and it gave me the final wind I needed going back into the park toward the finish! 

This was it, there was no going back, because we really did it, we ran a marathon together, took in all the good, and pushed past all the bad, and there we were, just feet from the finish! Christina was doing her best to hold it together, thinking of her late aunt and uncle, and Melissa was the strength that bonded us at the end, yelling at us that this was it! I was struggling so bad those last few feet, my toe felt demolished, my hamstring was cursing me, my heart was racing, and my emotions were doing everything possible to keep it together! We held hands and crossed the finish line, strong, unified, and accomplished! And slightly delirious, I was so thirsty for water, and I almost lost my stomach just after we crossed, scary few seconds after running 26.2 miles! 

But then I saw my girls, Amy, Michelle, Helenita, Heather, and the rest of the NYIR girls at the medal racks with beautiful smiles and the hardware we just earned! I hugged Amy and I cried like a baby, I was so happy to see my sole sister, I told her every sign that said "go Amy!" or anytime I heard anyone say Amy, it made me think of her at the end, waiting for us, and helped pushed me ahead! Then I hugged my girls Christina and Melissa, and thanked them for being the best running partners I could've asked for! 

It was such a special moment to share with them, and then my family over dinner! I was so exhausted and hungry, I had fajitas and beer for dinner! 

Running a marathon is life changing, every mile changes you, and anything can happen along the way! But it's how you face each mile, and overcome every challenge that makes you so strong when you cross the finish line. I don't know when my next marathon will be, I will most definitely revisit the distance again, but for now I am so thankful for all the support I've had along the way! And I'm so glad I never once gave up on myself, I'm glad I fought for the finish through a summer of crazy training that had me doubting myself so many times, because I would never want to miss out on this experience, it was really something special and almost magical!  

Less than 24 hours to go!

Well the last few days have been a whirlwind of activity and now we're hours from the start line! Thursday night was such a fun night with my running team! We all met up at the expo at the Javits center, and shopped for our new gear, and talked about our nerves, course strategies, and reminisced about marathons past! I will be running with two of my teammates, Christina and Ariel, and each of us has a reason why this marathon is so important for us to finish! I hope we can motivate each other alon the way and have a great time on the course!

After hanging at the expo for a couple of hours my team headed to a pub for an amazing pasta dinner! The food was amazing, and we got to carb load amongst each other, and do what we do best; talk all about running!!! Being with them that night helped ease lots of nerves, and just knowing I'm sharing a journey with so many friends is a blessed feeling, I'm a lucky girl! 

Yesterday was spent with my sister at the expo to shop and look around! It was so much fun! I ended up getting a new shirt customized to wear tomorrow, picked up some headbands, and had fun at the photo booths! 

After the expo we had pizza for lunch, and then headed to the opening ceremony in Central Park! I walked with the Ecuadorian delegates, and had so much fun seeing other cultures celebrate the marathon and being in NYC. There was music, dancing, and fireworks, the crowd was hyper and ready to party and have a good time! Its definitely the best way to get excited for the marathon, because after it's over it's time to rest up and eat the last meal! 

I already went out on a shakeout run this morning, ran just a little over a mile, and reminisced about why I started running, and how I've come to accept and understand that all the bad things in my past had to happen in order for me to be at the start line. Everything that's happened to me needed to happen because life showed me how hard and dark it can be if you lose control of it. I had to make choices, sacrifices, and learn to trust myself to find the strength to believe that I'm made to run a marathon. It's given me the confidence to believe that I am a marathoner and it was who I was meant to be this whole time. I'm a marathoner and whatever happens tomorrow won't change that, so now I'll rest, and enjoy whatever comes my way, it's going to be epic! 

 

4 days!

Yesterday turned out to be a pretty sweet day! After work I checked out the marathon pavilion set up in Central Park! I felt like it was a sneak peak of the expo, a place to get some of those jitters out and a way to start getting excited for the big day! 

I picked up a shirt and a new Sparkly Soul headband! I posted the first picture of the new headband for the marathon on Instagram, and I won a surprise 12 pack of headbands, which is super exciting since I own so many already! I wanted to buy more gear but everything said finisher on it and I'm super superstitious before a race, and I just couldn't bring myself to buy anything but the headband that said finisher! Technically I am a finisher since I ran last year but still don't want to jinx myself! 

Afterwards I ran in the park, and that's when panic set it. I was really excited and then I started running and felt this pain in my inner thigh I've been dealing with since I ran my 20 miler. It went away with some rest and stretching, but during the last week it's been coming back after every run, and it's worrying me. I'll take care of it after the marathon, but I hope I can make it through the marathon if it begins to flare up during the race. This is one reason I'm more nervous than last year, my body was fine and felt OK during my training, but this year I've had more aches and pains bother me than ever before. I'm just praying it gets better, I'll be there Sunday no matter what, I just hope I have a good race, and make it to the end as strong as I hope to be. 

5 days and counting...

So here we are 5 days out from the NYC Marathon, and I'm a nervous wreck! I feel more nervous than last year, and I think it's because I know what to expect this time around. For some reason I keep thinking of the pain I'll eventually be in, and it's not that it scares me because it wasn't really so bad last year, it's just wondering if I can break through it again this year and not hit the wall.

I'm also nervous because last year I ran with two friends, and this year I'm hoping to run with my friend Christina, but she's actually dealing with a bad cold this week, and we're not sure how she'll be feeling come Sunday morning. So if I end up running the marathon alone, now I'm wondering if I can mentally get through it solo! I know I'm crazy because I've done all my training runs alone, and got through each one, so I should be fine, but it's my head that's going crazy in the final days ahead! 

During these last few days my focus is carb loading, drinking lots of fluids, getting everything I'll need together, and the weather. So far I feel more prepped than last year since I was scrambling around the day before looking for last minute stuff. This year I've been prepping since last week and I think I'll be ready with everything by Friday! (I hope!) 

The weather is driving me nuts too, because it was supposed to be cloudy and high 50's but as of this morning it's now going to be in the 60's and 50% chance of rain! I don't mind running in the rain but for 26.2 miles it really doesn't sound like fun! So I'm torn btw short sleeves or long sleeves and I'm sure I'll be torn up until the morning of, so who knows what I'll do! 

Thank goodness the expo opens in two days, that way I can distract my nerves from the thoughts of actually running and just have fun seeing my teammates at our pasta dinner and the opening ceremonies on Friday! I'll do my best to blog about everything leading to the marathon, but if not I will be posting a recap a few days after! And if I'm lucky I'm going to record whatever I can on my GoPro and make a you tube video!

Halfway Point!

How is it week 9 already!?? Time flies when you're training for a marathon! I've been so busy with life I'm just glad I've been able to get my training done! My runs have not been stellar at all, my Achilles tendinitis is the worst it's ever been, and has been slowing me down big time! I'm anticipating that my finishing time will be much slower than last years marathon, and I've let that idea beat me in the head mentally. The slower I run the more and more I feel like a total failure, but then I talk to myself and try to remember that the time was never important to me in the first place, only finishing was! Still it's really hard and it's affected my diet, I haven't really gained but I haven't lost either, I'm pretty hungry lately but that's no surprise with the training I've been doing, but I'm not eating the best foods either, I've been trying but then I'll get discouraged and end up eating what I shouldn't. 

It's excuses but I'm working on it, and still getting lots of exercise in! My mileage fell short of what I wanted to accomplish in August, but I did spin every Friday, and have incorporated kickboxing or Pound from Crunch gym into my training. I felt stronger physically but mentally I'm fighting myself everyday. 

Depression is not easy to talk about but it's there, and I'm coping with it the best I can, the endorphins I get from exercise help tons, I just have to face the food demon that plagues my heart when I'm really feeling down and out. I know I can get over it but it's just harder with the hunger training brings lately. 

I decided after the marathon I will not be running another one for a few years. I don't know that I'll run anymore half marathons either, I think the pressure of constantly having a big race to prep for is burning me out mentally and affecting me physically too. This training season has shown me that I do love to exercise and I do love to run, but I love doing whatever I want more. When I'm training for a race I have to stick to a plan, and everything else in my life and it makes fitting in other workouts harder, when I'm running 4 days a week. I want to go back to the way I was before I tried long distance running, doing all the workouts I wanted, and running when I felt like it. I'll still race but maybe a few times a year, and I'll work on getting my Achilles stronger and try getting faster at shorter distances! 

But for now I'm going to make the best of the rest of my training and try to enjoy the process, and know that the NYC marathon is still an amazing journey to be on and be part of. 9 weeks to go, that's it! It will be here before I know it, and I just pray that I have a wonderful experience and relish the moments. 

Thank you to my readers that have stuck by me, I'm not perfect at all, but I just try to live as healthy and happy as I can! And I'll try to post more in the weeks leading up to the big day! Til next time! Xoxo!