The Food Transformation

Sometimes I feel like my world revolves around food and my next meal. Ever since joining WW it's changed the way I think about and eat food. It has taught me how to pick the good, and skip the bad, even though they stress you can have anything, they do teach how to make better choices.

During my pre WW days, food was my bestie. If I was feeling sad and depressed (which was almost always) I would buy myself a meal and make it the best part of my day. I would justify the stress and emotions I was feeling, make the food my happy place. And it didn't even really make me happy, I just ate the food because it was what I had made myself accustomed to.

Those days I used to work at Shea Stadium, I was part of the concessions management team at the ballpark, and had access to all the food I wanted there. When I worked there I had done WW once and lost 54lbs, and then fell in love and gained it all back and much more. So I knew about portion sizes, and I had the belief that because I had been somewhat successful and my job required me to be on my feet all day, walking back and forth, that I had this in the bag, no more meetings for me! I remember eating countless hot dogs, cheeseburgers, and chicken tenders on a daily basis, and then of course I'd have fries, but I'd top them with cheese from the nacho stand, and maybe add a pretzel in there too! I never drank water either, I'd have a bottle or two a day, but you'd always find me with a Snapple  in hand in some sweet sugary flavor! I knew they were no good but I'd justify the fact that I was walking all over the stadium for more than 8 hours a day as my exercise, and in turn food was my reward!

What was worse, was after my shift was over, I'd head to the bar with my coworkers and we'd get more than enough drinks to make us feel nice for the night, that on my way home I'd need more food. You know, to "absorb the alcohol", so that way I wouldn't be so drunk or hungover! FYI kids, you wake up feeling worse, and always vow you'll never drink or eat like that again, but there was always a next time for me.

I can remember getting off the train at my stop near my apartment, and I already knew what I was going to order to eat at home, cash in hand, ready to stuff my face. There's a Popeye's right outside the train station, and it became my food mecca. I was there almost every night, and I would order the same thing each time. I'd order 4 pieces of chicken, with fries, a biscuit, a large Hi-C fruit punch, and a slice of Mardi Gras cheesecake. But that wasn't all I got, I needed a snack after my meal, so I'd go to the deli right next door with my change, and get myself a 99 cents Arizona iced tea, a bag of nacho cheese Doritios ( the $1 size), and 4 bags of hot cheese popcorn (25 cent bags). Then I would go home to my bedroom in the attic, and devour everything in minutes! Once I was finished I'd hide all the evidence, stuff it deep into the trash at home so no one would notice or I'd keep it in my purse till I could throw it away outside.

And then one day I woke up and realized that I was probably 300lbs. I had always known I was overweight, but I didn't care enough at the time to change my habits, but I had always told myself, even as a teenager, "I will never go over 300lbs, when I do that will be the day I have to change."  Once I realized that I was finally at that limit, it scared me. I actually never thought I'd get that big, I thought I had the control, but I really didn't, I let the food control me. Now I was really scared, because what if I couldn't lose the weight on my own, what if I needed a greater intervention, like surgery, or would I end up so bad that I'd need to try out for a reality weight loss show?, or worse what if I couldn't do it, and I'd end up a victim to my home and my fridge?  300 is a big number, and on the scale, its a number that feels impossible to diminish, one week at a time.

When I finally decided to join WW again, I was more determined than ever to get my weight down and not rely on food as a means of support. I paid attention to the nutrition labels, I stopped fast food all together, and I became aware of the types of foods that were beneficial to my health, and let go of the foods that held me back for so long. I learned to love vegetables and fruit, I drank only water, nothing else, and I let go of my constant need for snacking. I also learned that I didn't need to reward myself with food, I started rewarding myself, with clothes, accessories, and new fitness gear. Eventually I was able to let go of many bad habits, and I no longer felt a need for the food that became my friend for so long.

Today I'm still not perfect, but I am so much more aware of what I eat. I passed by a McDonald's this weekend, and realized I haven't had a McDonald's burger in years! As for Popeye's, I haven't gone in there either in a few years, I love the food, but I know I don't need it anymore. When I go food shopping, I only buy food for my main meals, and no snacks at all, just plain popcorn kernels or sugar free ice cream pops. I don't fry any food anymore, all my food is cooked with spray oil, or baked in the oven. I bring my lunch to work every day, and it consists of a protein, veggies, a small carb, and fruit. I make breakfast every morning, and I make dinner every night. I fell in love with running, and it has increased my appetite greatly, and I still struggle with my hunger after a run, but I'm getting better at making good food choices post run. I don't need food to have a good time anymore, I can pass up just about anything and not feel bad about it anymore.

I don't think my relationship with food will ever be perfect, but I'm glad its not my source of comfort anymore. I used to live to eat, but now I do my best to eat to live. As I grow older I hope I continue to live that way, and spread the knowledge to my future family, because living a healthy life is so much more plentiful then living a life full of junk!

The Long Run

About 2 weeks ago I ran my longest distance yet, 20 miles! Now this was no ordinary 20 mile long run, it was a journey of sorts, a very wet one! During the week before, the forecast called for some heavy rain that Saturday morning, but I had planned on getting my 20 miles in that day no matter what! So when I woke up that morning and  seen the gray skies I was facing, I knew it was going to be a long day! I could have waited til the following morning to do my run, where the weather called for blue skies, and beautiful fall weather, but on the day of the marathon will I really have a choice? 

I headed to the Niketown store in Manhattan to meet up with the Nike NYC group for their long run, I  decided I would at least start my run with them to get my momentum going, then leave and finish the run on my own. When we departed and headed to the West Side Highway, the weather wasn’t too bad, it was warm, and seemed like the weather might hold off for awhile. I was running with the slowest pace group which was 10:00+, but the pacer we had was pretty fast, I ran one of the miles in 8:39, which is ridiculously fast for a 20 mile long run, when my goal pace is around 12:00 min/mile. I knew I was going to have to leave them sooner than I wanted to, otherwise I’d be burned out toward the end of the run. We took a water break 5 miles in, and after some water, and a few bites of a Cliff bar, I left the group and headed for Central Park. 

Upon my departure, the rain started coming down! First a drizzle, but then just heavy rain, with wind, and no signs of it clearing up! I felt defeated at first, like these 20 miles I had set forth to do really weren’t going to happen! By the time I made it to the park, I was drenched, nothing on me was dry, and it was really messing with my concentration. I kept thinking, “ there’s no way I’m really doing this!”, “ these conditions are too crazy!”, and “maybe I’ll cut the run short and save the 20 for next weekend!” But I kept going, squeezing the water out of my sleeves to my jacket, and looking for cover under a tree every so often to find some relief from the rain pelting at my face! 9 miles in and it was really coming down, worse than before, just sheets of water pounding at me from every angle, my fingers becoming prune like, and my feet, soaked, and heavy! 

Originally I was going to run the park, and head to the 59th street bridge, and run my way home, but I never expected this kind of downpour it was incredible! And the runners I did see in the park looked just as miserable, but just as determined as me to get their runs in. I took cover under a tree, and called my boyfriend, I needed to hear him tell me I was crazy, and to go home! Minus the crazy part, he did tell me I should consider ending the run and head home, and save the miles for next week, and I agreed and said I was going to run at least 14 miles, and head home. But once I started running again, I knew that if left the park, I’d slow down with the traffic and really go home. Deep inside I really needed the satisfaction of completing those 20 miles. I needed to not give up on myself, even in those conditions. When I reached the west end by Columbus Circle, I needed to go to the bathroom and wring the water from my clothes, my jacket in particular was weighing heavily on me, and causing me to slow down. In the bathroom I must’ve wrung at least a gallon of water from my jacket and socks, I even left a puddle behind in the stall! Oops! And girl problems reared its ugly head at the same time! As if this run wasn’t hard enough already! 

But then something cool happened, I headed back to the park, and saw a banner for the marathon on a street lamp, and it was the motivation I needed to get through the rest of the run! I headed back to the park to finish 10 more miles, and as hard as it felt, I was doing it, and I felt pretty bad ass! I’ve run Central Park so many times, that it can be a bit boring for me, but that day there was something about the rain that made it go by without feeling like torture. And there’s also something beautiful about the rain, and the calm, quiet, peaceful atmosphere it creates. 

18 miles, in I was very ready for the run to be over with, it was still raining but it was a lighter rain, but at that point I was so soaked, I couldn’t tell. My legs were looking for relief but my pace was still very consistent and I was pleased with that! When my watch finally beeped and showed 20 miles on the screen, I stopped, and I cried. I wasn’t expecting to cry, but it happened, and I was filled with pride, and such a great satisfaction for finishing in that weather! I felt like I was really going to be able to finish 26.2 miles, and nothing could stop me, not even the horrible rain! 

Of course, shortly after I finished the rain stopped, and the sun started to come out!! But I was proud, and I felt like it was radiating off of me, even though I felt like a wet dog! I went into the nearest Dunkin Donuts, and got a bagel, and a cup of hot chocolate, it was heaven! I knew being wet I’d freeze on the subway on the way home, but that hot chocolate actually saved me from that cold feeling! 

Running 20 miles in the rain, was special, even though the conditions were very less than ideal, but I feel so strong because I did it! I never could imagine that I’d be so close to finish line, but I really am that close, and on November 2nd, I’ll make it there!