During my pre WW days, food was my bestie. If I was feeling sad and depressed (which was almost always) I would buy myself a meal and make it the best part of my day. I would justify the stress and emotions I was feeling, make the food my happy place. And it didn't even really make me happy, I just ate the food because it was what I had made myself accustomed to.
Those days I used to work at Shea Stadium, I was part of the concessions management team at the ballpark, and had access to all the food I wanted there. When I worked there I had done WW once and lost 54lbs, and then fell in love and gained it all back and much more. So I knew about portion sizes, and I had the belief that because I had been somewhat successful and my job required me to be on my feet all day, walking back and forth, that I had this in the bag, no more meetings for me! I remember eating countless hot dogs, cheeseburgers, and chicken tenders on a daily basis, and then of course I'd have fries, but I'd top them with cheese from the nacho stand, and maybe add a pretzel in there too! I never drank water either, I'd have a bottle or two a day, but you'd always find me with a Snapple in hand in some sweet sugary flavor! I knew they were no good but I'd justify the fact that I was walking all over the stadium for more than 8 hours a day as my exercise, and in turn food was my reward!
What was worse, was after my shift was over, I'd head to the bar with my coworkers and we'd get more than enough drinks to make us feel nice for the night, that on my way home I'd need more food. You know, to "absorb the alcohol", so that way I wouldn't be so drunk or hungover! FYI kids, you wake up feeling worse, and always vow you'll never drink or eat like that again, but there was always a next time for me.
I can remember getting off the train at my stop near my apartment, and I already knew what I was going to order to eat at home, cash in hand, ready to stuff my face. There's a Popeye's right outside the train station, and it became my food mecca. I was there almost every night, and I would order the same thing each time. I'd order 4 pieces of chicken, with fries, a biscuit, a large Hi-C fruit punch, and a slice of Mardi Gras cheesecake. But that wasn't all I got, I needed a snack after my meal, so I'd go to the deli right next door with my change, and get myself a 99 cents Arizona iced tea, a bag of nacho cheese Doritios ( the $1 size), and 4 bags of hot cheese popcorn (25 cent bags). Then I would go home to my bedroom in the attic, and devour everything in minutes! Once I was finished I'd hide all the evidence, stuff it deep into the trash at home so no one would notice or I'd keep it in my purse till I could throw it away outside.
And then one day I woke up and realized that I was probably 300lbs. I had always known I was overweight, but I didn't care enough at the time to change my habits, but I had always told myself, even as a teenager, "I will never go over 300lbs, when I do that will be the day I have to change." Once I realized that I was finally at that limit, it scared me. I actually never thought I'd get that big, I thought I had the control, but I really didn't, I let the food control me. Now I was really scared, because what if I couldn't lose the weight on my own, what if I needed a greater intervention, like surgery, or would I end up so bad that I'd need to try out for a reality weight loss show?, or worse what if I couldn't do it, and I'd end up a victim to my home and my fridge? 300 is a big number, and on the scale, its a number that feels impossible to diminish, one week at a time.
When I finally decided to join WW again, I was more determined than ever to get my weight down and not rely on food as a means of support. I paid attention to the nutrition labels, I stopped fast food all together, and I became aware of the types of foods that were beneficial to my health, and let go of the foods that held me back for so long. I learned to love vegetables and fruit, I drank only water, nothing else, and I let go of my constant need for snacking. I also learned that I didn't need to reward myself with food, I started rewarding myself, with clothes, accessories, and new fitness gear. Eventually I was able to let go of many bad habits, and I no longer felt a need for the food that became my friend for so long.
Today I'm still not perfect, but I am so much more aware of what I eat. I passed by a McDonald's this weekend, and realized I haven't had a McDonald's burger in years! As for Popeye's, I haven't gone in there either in a few years, I love the food, but I know I don't need it anymore. When I go food shopping, I only buy food for my main meals, and no snacks at all, just plain popcorn kernels or sugar free ice cream pops. I don't fry any food anymore, all my food is cooked with spray oil, or baked in the oven. I bring my lunch to work every day, and it consists of a protein, veggies, a small carb, and fruit. I make breakfast every morning, and I make dinner every night. I fell in love with running, and it has increased my appetite greatly, and I still struggle with my hunger after a run, but I'm getting better at making good food choices post run. I don't need food to have a good time anymore, I can pass up just about anything and not feel bad about it anymore.
I don't think my relationship with food will ever be perfect, but I'm glad its not my source of comfort anymore. I used to live to eat, but now I do my best to eat to live. As I grow older I hope I continue to live that way, and spread the knowledge to my future family, because living a healthy life is so much more plentiful then living a life full of junk!
What was worse, was after my shift was over, I'd head to the bar with my coworkers and we'd get more than enough drinks to make us feel nice for the night, that on my way home I'd need more food. You know, to "absorb the alcohol", so that way I wouldn't be so drunk or hungover! FYI kids, you wake up feeling worse, and always vow you'll never drink or eat like that again, but there was always a next time for me.
I can remember getting off the train at my stop near my apartment, and I already knew what I was going to order to eat at home, cash in hand, ready to stuff my face. There's a Popeye's right outside the train station, and it became my food mecca. I was there almost every night, and I would order the same thing each time. I'd order 4 pieces of chicken, with fries, a biscuit, a large Hi-C fruit punch, and a slice of Mardi Gras cheesecake. But that wasn't all I got, I needed a snack after my meal, so I'd go to the deli right next door with my change, and get myself a 99 cents Arizona iced tea, a bag of nacho cheese Doritios ( the $1 size), and 4 bags of hot cheese popcorn (25 cent bags). Then I would go home to my bedroom in the attic, and devour everything in minutes! Once I was finished I'd hide all the evidence, stuff it deep into the trash at home so no one would notice or I'd keep it in my purse till I could throw it away outside.
And then one day I woke up and realized that I was probably 300lbs. I had always known I was overweight, but I didn't care enough at the time to change my habits, but I had always told myself, even as a teenager, "I will never go over 300lbs, when I do that will be the day I have to change." Once I realized that I was finally at that limit, it scared me. I actually never thought I'd get that big, I thought I had the control, but I really didn't, I let the food control me. Now I was really scared, because what if I couldn't lose the weight on my own, what if I needed a greater intervention, like surgery, or would I end up so bad that I'd need to try out for a reality weight loss show?, or worse what if I couldn't do it, and I'd end up a victim to my home and my fridge? 300 is a big number, and on the scale, its a number that feels impossible to diminish, one week at a time.
When I finally decided to join WW again, I was more determined than ever to get my weight down and not rely on food as a means of support. I paid attention to the nutrition labels, I stopped fast food all together, and I became aware of the types of foods that were beneficial to my health, and let go of the foods that held me back for so long. I learned to love vegetables and fruit, I drank only water, nothing else, and I let go of my constant need for snacking. I also learned that I didn't need to reward myself with food, I started rewarding myself, with clothes, accessories, and new fitness gear. Eventually I was able to let go of many bad habits, and I no longer felt a need for the food that became my friend for so long.
Today I'm still not perfect, but I am so much more aware of what I eat. I passed by a McDonald's this weekend, and realized I haven't had a McDonald's burger in years! As for Popeye's, I haven't gone in there either in a few years, I love the food, but I know I don't need it anymore. When I go food shopping, I only buy food for my main meals, and no snacks at all, just plain popcorn kernels or sugar free ice cream pops. I don't fry any food anymore, all my food is cooked with spray oil, or baked in the oven. I bring my lunch to work every day, and it consists of a protein, veggies, a small carb, and fruit. I make breakfast every morning, and I make dinner every night. I fell in love with running, and it has increased my appetite greatly, and I still struggle with my hunger after a run, but I'm getting better at making good food choices post run. I don't need food to have a good time anymore, I can pass up just about anything and not feel bad about it anymore.
I don't think my relationship with food will ever be perfect, but I'm glad its not my source of comfort anymore. I used to live to eat, but now I do my best to eat to live. As I grow older I hope I continue to live that way, and spread the knowledge to my future family, because living a healthy life is so much more plentiful then living a life full of junk!
